The Way of the Neurotic Warrior!

A dear Friend invited me to drive out of the city and into the mountains to a retreat center in the woods, to listen to a Buddhist teacher speak on Recovery. As we settled in and began to do our 30 minute meditation, I was looking forward to what I thought was going to be a peace filled experience. Thinking to myself that I have over 10 years of continuous sobriety, that a 30 minute meditation would be a breeze and a delight, but wouldn't you know it, It was sheer torture.

• It wasn't to long before my mind started chattering away and showing me all kinds of shit.
• Fights with lovers that never took place.
• The laundry I need to do. The house is a terrible mess. Im out of food again.
• The painting I have to complete, or how else can I call myself an Artist? Your no Artist your a fraud!
• And How will I ever pay for that PhD program? you know, the one I haven't gotten into yet...
• Where will I live when my relationship fails, will I leave the state? Will I give up everything I own. YES I really should, because I'm an American and don't you know we are spiritually bereft and materialistic.
• How will my mother feel when she finds out Ive located her Birth Mother? She's going to be really pisst off.
• When I finallypublish and go on tour, will Oprah like me when I'm on her show?
• How can I focus fame when the planet is dying right under your feet! Your so selfish.
• I need to detox my body right away or I'll become crippled and never forgive myself, My diet is killing me and I'm in trouble.
• I'm not going to enough 12 step meetings. Ive failed to commit to my recovery again!
• I don't need 12 step meetings anymore because I've outgrown all that crap and live in the real world now and besides I've heard all this shit a thousand times.
• Fuck Grandpa for cutting me out of his will! He's such an asshole! He just does not approve of Gays.
• Oh look, I think I see an Aura through my eyelids? Should I open my eyes? What else can I see with my eyes closed? Maybe it's a light being here in this very room...
• People are so loud, don't they get that this is a silent retreat, I mean How rude,
• This is Ridiculous.
• I'm in such terrible emotional pain, I just can't take it much more, My life is a failure and Im trapped in hell.
• I wonder if the tea is free?
• There you go thinking about food again, your such a food addict...
• You'll need some type of Yoga soon or you will die of Cancer...and on and on and on and on...

So this is my head and all the talking that goes on and the list is endless. There must be a diagnosis in the DSM5 somewhere, because Im so not in charge of this roudy gang of opinionated blabbermouths...

And finally, the gong, the blessed gong, signaling us that the meditation is over, in relief I come out of this trance of mental voices and intense imagery. Im SO exhausted I just want to crawl under a cold rock and fade away...

OK so Im a drama queen, Im sure no one else has this experience? right?